I finally decided to try EBay. Supposedly people would
actually pay money for the junk in my garage, like the bicycle without any
wheels and the box of Rubik’s cubes, some of them with missing squares. Then
there was the stack of mystery novels with half the chapters gone (a true mystery for any mystery
aficionado), various electronic devices whose souls had died and gone to Voltage
Heaven, and boxes and boxes of stuff I hadn’t even opened in years, where
generations of dust mites and insects probably lived with their families and
friends. You get the drift.
I did ponder the possibility of a garage sale – but then, do
I really want my neighbors to know that I own an extra large red-sequined Elvis
Presley costume with thigh-high trouser slits? That particular piece of junk, a
relic of my obese and “wild” teenage years, would probably seriously damage my
credibility as a serious-minded man of taste, especially among the neighborhood
brat-pack.
But that’s what EBay is for, right? I mean, in what other
marketplace in the world would you be able to buy a “Laird (Lord) or Lady of
Lochaber” Scottish title, complete with estate and a mile of fishing rights all
for USD 49.95 (I kid you not!) –and be charged an additional USD 7.99 as
shipping cost? Boy, that “estate” must be pretty small if it can be shipped for
USD 7.99, but I digress …
Anyway I logged on and after browsing through the “Baby”,
“Art” and various other categories, decided on the option marked “Everything
Else” and registered “Contents of Garage” as my item. I had to enclose a
picture of the garage with all the clutter – not a pretty sight I can tell you.
And I can’t say I was really surprised when my auction lot was also classified
under bids marked “Weird Items.” Poor Aunt Anna who had given me that rather
hideous shirt on my 17th birthday, now a constituent of my garage
collection, would turn in her grave if she knew it was being labeled in this
manner.
I did try to jazz the posting up a bit, so I called it
“Collection de Le Garage”. To make it as interesting as possible to any
collector of “weird stuff” out there, I hinted in my description that there may
be untold treasures of priceless value hidden in there, if only someone with a
strong penchant for archeology would take the effort to dig through and fish
out the good stuff. While not actually stating that Cleopatra’s bangle and John
Lennon’s first pair of leather shoes were among the contents, I think I managed
to give that impression.
